Category: For Families

Navigating the Caregiver’s Journey: LTC Offers a Valuable Viewpoint — Guest Blog by Author Deborah Shouse

Posted by Dr. El - September 16, 2013 - Books/media of note, For Families, Transitions in care

Navigating the Caregiver’s Journey: Long Term Care Offers a Valuable Viewpoint

When my parents relocated from Memphis to Kansas City to be closer to me, they packed decades worth of clothes, souvenirs, books, and furniture. The process of helping them move overwhelmed me and I fervently wished they’d had fewer possessions. But three years later, I yearned for those stacks of boxes; my mother’s possessions had dwindled considerably since she’d progressed deeper into Alzheimer’s. Now she needed additional care and was moving from assisted living to a memory care facility.

That blustery September day, as my dad and I helped transfer my mom to her new home, Mom had only a suitcase full of clothes and toiletries.

Taking the First Steps

Once at the home, the administrator welcomed us but her cordial greeting couldn’t dispel the chill I felt.  I had worried about moving Mom into this brand new facility, but the home was close to my dad, who was already having some trouble driving.

“Where is…?” my mother asked, tugging on her sweater. “What are…”

“We’re fine, Frannie,” my father said.

My stomach clenched as we walked into the shiny new unit. After we’d taken a few steps, a woman in a white nursing uniform hurried towards us.

“Frances, how lovely to see you. And you too Paul. You must be Deborah.” The woman, Pam, was the nurse in charge. Dad had met her earlier and had told me how nice she was.

“I’m so glad you’re all here,” Pam said. She turned to Mom and said, “Paul told me you were a nurse during World War II.”

“She was,” Dad said proudly. “She served in Iceland and England.”

”That was very courageous of you,” Pam said. She linked her arm through Mom’s and she and Mom strolled down the hallway together. “You must have had many adventures.”

Mom looked blank and then smiled. “We skied to hot springs.”

Some fragments of Mom’s WWII stories were still intact and Pam listened encouragingly as Mom shared phrases from the same story several more times. They settled at a table in the cozy dining room and Pam served us all coffee and cookies.  She seemed relaxed and welcoming; she was getting to know a new friend.

Embracing a New Viewpoint

When I listened to my mom’s stories, I usually wrote down every word, worried I might not hear them again; I felt I was losing an old friend. But Pam wasn’t worried when Mom repeated herself or misplaced letters. She didn’t panic when Mom started a sentence and couldn’t retrieve her thought. Pam just wanted to get to know Mom. Through her actions, Pam silently invited me to appreciate my mother just as she was.

As I hung up my mother’s meager collection of clothes in her new closet, I was grateful for her pared-down possessions. Mom had let go of many material reminders of the past, just as I was letting go of the woman my mother used to be and embracing the woman she was. ##

Deborah Shouse: Bringing Words to Life

Deborah Shouse is a writer, speaker, editor and creativity catalyst.

This November, Central Recovery Press is going to publish an updated edition of her book Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.  Originally, Deborah self-published and used the book as a catalyst to raise more than $80,000 for Alzheimer’s programs and research. She will continue donate a portion of her proceeds to Alzheimer’s.

Deborah and her partner Ron Zoglin have performed her writings for audiences in the United States, New Zealand, Nova Scotia, Puerto Rico, England, Ireland, Chile, Costa Rica, Italy, Turkey and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

To learn more about Deborah’s work, visit her blog DeborahShouseWrites

Or follow her on Twitter: DeborahShouse@Twitter

 

Join Dr. El at Freeport Library on 9/18/13 at 3pm

Posted by Dr. El - September 13, 2013 - For Families, Talks/Radio shows

I’m giving a free local talk next week at the Freeport Memorial Library on long-term care decision-making and making the most of nursing home stays.

I’ll hope you’ll be able to join me for this hour-long talk and discussion session.

 

 

4 Simple Ways Families Can Make a Difference During a Long-Term Care Stay (SeniorCare)

Posted by Dr. El - August 22, 2013 - Dementia, For Families, Senior Care

Here’s my first article for SeniorCare.com:

4 Simple Ways Families Can Make a Difference During a Long-Term Care Stay

When your mom or dad is in a long-term care home—whether it’s for rehab or a longer stay in a nursing home or assisted living—it’s a big adjustment for the whole family. Nerves are often frayed from dealing with major decisions during a medical crisis, and it’s likely you’re concerned about your loved one getting proper care.

While certain aspects of the situation are frustratingly out of your control, there are some steps you can take to make your loved one more comfortable and their time in the home more rewarding.

1.  Attend the Care Plan Meeting

Early on in your parent’s long-term care stay and periodically thereafter, there will be a meeting to discuss how treatment is going and what adjustments are needed. This is the single most important time for a family member to be at the nursing home (or to connect via conference call or video chat). Key people from each department are gathered to discuss how Mom or Dad is faring, so this is your best opportunity to raise concerns and have them addressed and written into the plan of care.

2.  Bring food from home

Of all the complaints I’ve heard as a nursing home psychologist, among the most common is one about the food. Of all the compliments mentioned about family visits, the highest praise is reserved for a visit followed by the comment, “And they brought me something to eat.” Give mom or dad a break from the facility kitchen by bringing in a special treat – and be sure to check with the dietician or nurse first to be sure it meets with dietary guidelines. If your parent is on a chopped diet due to swallowing difficulties, for example, the kitchen may be able to chop up the food so it’s safe or the dietician can recommend foods that are already sized appropriately.

 3.  Set up a chain of contacts

Admission to a long-term care setting is a hectic time and often one family member takes the lead in keeping track of the situation. To reduce the pressure on the one family member and to increase the number of social supports for mom and dad, consider giving more structure to the help offered by friends, neighbors, and relatives. For example, one friend, neighbor, and relative might be designated to call others, so that the lead family member only has to contact three people in order to start the chain of support. Or a schedule can be created for calls, visits, and outside meals. With four people on the schedule each taking a week, your loved one can be assured of weekly contacts while the helpers are responsible on a manageable once-a-month basis.

 4.  Bring photos and other mementos

Even for a brief stay, having a family photo on the table can be hugely reassuring for a resident, reminding them of who they are, who they’ve been, and that there are people who care about them. It reminds the staff too, and gives them an inkling of whom they’re helping. Remember to bring a copy of a photo and not a precious original and to label everything. Other ideas: a picture of your loved one in their younger days, a quilt or blanket to make the room homey, and a telephone programmed with frequently called numbers.