Category: Tips for gifts, visits
Posted by Dr. El - November 4, 2011 - Common Nursing Home Problems and How Psychologists Can Solve Them, Communication, Engaging with families, Tips for gifts, visits
With Thanksgiving upon us in less than three weeks, it’s time for this perennial post from Dr. El at mybetternursinghome.com:
‘Twas the Week Before Christmas…
And 83-year old Albertha assured me her family was planning to take her home for the holidays.
“Have you talked to them about it? Have they called the social worker to arrange a pass, and meds, and transportation?”
“No,” she replied, “but they’re coming to get me.”
‘Twas the week after Christmas, and Albertha was glum.
“They didn’t show up. I waited all day, but they didn’t come.”
Albertha spent Christmas day watching other people go out on pass and return, and seeing families arriving with food and gifts and smiles.
Now my patients and I start discussing the holidays a few weeks in advance, addressing wishes and practicalities, phoning families if needed, and getting the social worker involved. We set up a hierarchy of plans.
Plan A: Go home for the day.
Plan B: Go out to a wheelchair accessible restaurant with family.
Plan C: Have visitors come with food and go around the corner for coffee, if possible, just to get out.
Plan D: Stay in with visitors and food.
Plan E: Talk to family members on the telephone, discussing plans for a future visit, while sitting in a room festooned with cards and holiday decorations. Attend the nursing home holiday party.
Plan F: Have a small holiday gathering in the room with nursing home friends after the facility party.
Since then, my people know what to expect from the holidays, even if the expectation is that their family might not arrive as hoped.
Posted by Dr. El - February 9, 2011 - Boomers, Business Strategies, Customer service, Technology, Tips for gifts, visits
I recently read an article about how the aging of baby boomers is causing some technology companies to focus on products geared toward older adults, often with the goal of helping them remain independent and at home for longer periods of time. But what about those older adults already living in nursing homes? What would help them be more independent?
Here are products I thought residents would appreciate, and ones I’d like myself when it’s my turn. Please add your suggestions in the Comments section:
- A motorized wheelchair
- A remote control for the air conditioner/heating system
- Windows that can open and shut by remote control
- A rubberized telephone that can withstand frequent dropping
- Wi-Fi
- Any adaptive equipment I need to use my laptop
- A staff paging system that doesn’t involve overhead announcements
Posted by Dr. El - December 6, 2010 - Tips for gifts, visits
- Magazine or Newspaper Subscriptions
- Kindle or other reader that allows for enlarging print
- Cozy slippers or socks
- Radio or portable audio player
- Telephone and monthly service (if folks are going to call)
- Sheets and pillow cases, for a homey touch
Great gifts from the heart:
- Decorate the room for the holidays (electric candles only)
- Go out to the movies
- Go out to a restaurant, even if it’s just for coffee
- Go on a holiday lights tour
- Bring in your laptop to nursing homes with Internet access and make Skype calls to friends and relatives
- Commit to doing the laundry on a weekly basis
- Organize closets and dresser drawers
Posted by Dr. El - November 16, 2010 - Communication, Engaging with families, Tips for gifts, visits
I posted this before the holidays in 2008, but it’s worth repeating:
‘Twas the week before Christmas…
And 83-year old Albertha assured me her family was planning to take her home for the holidays.
“Have you talked to them about it? Have they called the social worker to arrange a pass, and meds, and transportation?”
“No,” she replied, “but they’re coming to get me.”
‘Twas the week after Christmas, and Albertha was glum.
“They didn’t show up. I waited all day, but they didn’t come.”
Albertha spent Christmas day watching other people go out on pass and return, and seeing families arriving with food and gifts and smiles.
Now my patients and I start discussing the holidays a few weeks in advance, addressing wishes and practicalities, phoning families if needed, and getting the social worker involved. We set up a hierarchy of plans.
Plan A: Go home for the day.
Plan B: Go out to a wheelchair accessible restaurant with family.
Plan C: Have visitors come with food and go around the corner for coffee, if possible, just to get out.
Plan D: Stay in with visitors and food.
Plan E: Talk to family members on the telephone, discussing plans for a future visit, while sitting in a room festooned with cards and holiday decorations. Attend the nursing home holiday party.
Plan F: Have a small holiday gathering in the room with nursing home friends after the facility party.
Since then, my people know what to expect from the holidays, even if the expectation is that their family might not arrive as hoped.
Posted by Dr. El - September 14, 2010 - Books/media of note, Tips for gifts, visits
With many families scattered around the country, it is a challenge to visit our aging parents as often as we would like. And, once our parents need nursing home care and move there, it becomes even more of a priority (to us and them) to be in touch.
A good friend shared, “One of my brothers moved to Houston a year before my mother died. He continues to apologize for not being there, not helping more, not visiting more. He missed out on the bingo games, the home videos, the photo albums and all the great stories that went with the memories. Grief gets mixed with guilt, and soon you are fighting a double edged sword. I know he is over the grief but will he ever get past the guilt?”
In this post, I am going to share some simple and easy strategies every family member can use to stay in touch with their loved ones in a nursing home. Distance does not have to be an impediment to communication nor does it need to result in guilt.
Here are some low-tech and high-tech ways to communicate directly with your loved ones from a distance.
1. Establish a contact (staff member) at the nursing home, someone you can connect with and call on a regular basis to ask how your parent is doing. Be sure you keep the relationship professional, and thank this person for their help.
2. Set up a schedule for when you’ll call your parent and stick to it. If he/she can’t answer the phone, talk with your established contact to set a schedule so the phone can be taken to your loved one.
3. Ask if the nursing home has a portable laptop with Skype (no-cost video and voice calls) that could be taken to your parent’s room.
4. If the nursing home doesn’t provide a portable laptop & Skype, ask if you can take the issue to the Residents Council. I bet the other residents would also really like such a service.
5. Another suggestion would be one of the newer technologies. With site installations offered by tech companies such as Grandcare, family members can send “virtual” communications to a resident’s TV.
Also, even when you can’t be with your family member in person, by voice or video, there are other ways to share with them in a meaningful way. It may take some thought, reflection and creativity, but the effort is well worth it!
1. Send photos of family and trips. I have a dear friend, “Mary”, in a nursing home who loves to receive photos in the mail. I help her fill albums, and she has a wonderful time reminiscing about the people and places.
2. Send postcards. Same type of thing. Mary keeps albums of these as well.
3. Send wedding and graduation announcements. Keep your loved one involved. Although they may not be able to attend, they will appreciate being included in your thoughts.
4. Know that birthdays are a very special occasion to someone in a nursing home. Mary received several pretty and funny cards, and a few flower arrangements. She especially loved the one with her favorite flowers, daisies, in a bright yellow dish with a Smiley face on it. The person who sent it took great care to select her favorite things.
5. Send special gifts such as audio and videos that have special meaning for your parent.
6. If your loved ones collects something, that’s a great way to pick out a meaningful gift. Mary loves flamingoes. She has quite the collection of stuffed flamingoes. It really makes her room personal and cheery.
Don’t forget about utilizing volunteers to spend time with your loved one when you can’t be there. Is the nursing home lacking a structured volunteer program? Share your desire for a volunteer with the administrators. I volunteer at a nursing home with no structured program. When I first inquired into opportunities, the administrator I met with saw a match between me and Mary, and I have been visiting her weekly for almost 2 years now. I have become her pseudo-family.
Finally, do not forget about your own personal needs. Find a support group for long-distance caregivers. Such a group, whether online or in-person, can provide you a place to meet others who are in a similar situation. You’ll be able to share your issues and feelings, and learn from others. The more positive action you take, the less guilt you will feel.
I hope these ideas help spark ideas for family members with a loved one in a nursing home a distance away. Just because you can’t be there in person does not mean you cannot “be with” your loved one.
Dale Carter, MBA
Posted by Dr. El - July 7, 2010 - Customer service, Resident care, Tips for gifts, visits
The phone rang mid-session with Velma. Knowing the frail 87-year old was fiercely independent, I refrained from handing her the telephone, and watched as she slowly wheeled herself toward her side table.
Ring…
She was halfway there.
Ring…
She reached out with an unsteady arm. The phone wobbled in her grasp as she held it up to her ear.
“Hello?” She was silent for a moment, then scowled and slammed the phone onto the receiver.
“Who was that?” I asked, surprised by her sudden anger.
“I don’t know! It’s some machine! They keep bothering me. Want me to buy car insurance or some such nonsense. I haven’t owned a car in years!”
“You’re getting phone solicitations. That used to happen to me until I registered my phone with the National Do Not Call Registry. If you give me your phone number, I can sign you up too.”
“But I don’t know my phone number. I think I wrote it down somewhere.” She looked toward the stack of papers piled on her tray table.
“That’s okay,” I reassured her. “I’ll get it.” I called my mobile from her landline, capturing her number in my display, then dialed the toll-free registration number. One minute later, the process was complete. “There! We’re done. It’ll take about four weeks, but those calls will stop.”
Velma looked at me like I’d just worked a miracle.
“Really, it was nothing,” I told her, but one less annoyance for Velma meant a great deal.
National Do Not Call Registry: 1-888-382-1222
Posted by Dr. El - May 17, 2010 - Boomers, Resident education/Support groups, Technology, Tips for gifts, visits
I recently saw a video showing a 99-year old woman reading and composing poetry on her new iPad, which brightened and enlarged the typeface enough that she could read again despite limited vision due to glaucoma. It got me thinking about apps our elders could use in the nursing home and upon discharge. Please add your ElderApp suggestions in the comments section.
- Kindle, for a treasure trove of books
- A Diabetes app (there are many), to track blood sugar and help plan meals upon discharge
- A Medication Tracker
- Pandora, for instant access to favorite music (for inspiration in Rehab, or to drown out the buzzers and overhead pages)
- Games, to keep the mind sharp and to play while waiting for all the things residents have to wait for
- A Voice Memo Recorder, to easily capture thoughts before they escape
- The 12 Step Companion, which includes the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book and a meeting locator, to keep close to your program until all nursing home host AA meetings (for more on this, see Why Every Nursing Home Should Host AA Meetings)
Posted by Dr. El - May 5, 2010 - Dementia, Engaging with families, Tips for gifts, visits
Dr. Green suggests simplifying previously enjoyed activities to the point where they’re manageable, but not childish. Using a calm approach in a quiet setting, and shifting activities if your relative becomes frustrated will lead to better results. New Old Age readers added the following suggestions:
- Doing jigsaw and crossword puzzles for puzzle enthusiasts, especially personalized ones such as a crossword about favorite subjects or events, or a jigsaw made from a family photo
- Sorting through Grandmother’s button collection, letting her describe each button and the memories it triggers
- Winding or sorting skeins of yarn for knitters and crocheters
- Being in calm and silent companionship rather than finding the need to fill the space
- Reviewing and discussing garden catalogs for former gardeners
- Reading Erma Bombeck columns
- Positive reminiscing, steering clear of painful memories and otherwise going with the flow
- Singing the first line of a well-known song and lettting the resident come up with the next line (New York, New York, a helluva town)
Posted by Dr. El - April 25, 2010 - Anecdotes, Boomers, Dementia, Role of psychologists, Technology, Tips for gifts, visits
Now that I know I’m not going against State regulations (see Dr. El Goes Undercover with the NYS Department of Health), I’ll confess I love to use my iPhone with the residents. In nursing homes that don’t yet have computer access, the iPhone and other web-enabled mobile devices bring the world right to the residents. (For more on the subject, see Therapeutic Use of the Internet in Nursing Homes.)
Here are some therapeutic interventions I’ve used during my psychology sessions. Please add your experiences in the Comments section.
- When I arrived at the door of his room, Jim was sitting with his head in his hands. He looked up and I saw the worry in his eyes. “What’s up?” I asked him. He said, “I put all my stuff in storage before I got here, but now I can’t remember the name of the place. I’m worried I’m gonna lose my things.” Pulling out my iPhone, I Googled the storage center based on the general location, and handed him the phone number. Relieved, he was able to discuss his other concerns. When I ran into him later in the day, he’d phoned, made arrangements for his belongings, and was now smiling and relaxed.
- “My old doctor gave me different medication,” Ms. Garcia told me. “I never had this problem before.” “Do you have your doctor’s phone number? Maybe your old physician could talk to your doctor here.” “I don’t have the number. But I know her name.” After a quick search and a couple of phone calls, Ms. Garcia was on the phone with the MD she’d had for the last fifteen years. “Hey!!! How you doing??? Listen, can you call my doctor here and tell him about me?” Two days later, the MDs had conversed, the meds had been changed, and the problem was solved.
- Ana’s usually energetic demeanor had faded and my attempts to engage her were met with glum, monosyllabic replies. I switched gears. “Would you like to listen to music? We could play some of your native Romanian songs.” She was unenthusiastic until my YouTube search came up with the Romanian Ballad of Ciprian Porumbescu. Her face lit up and she listened intently, eyes closed, appearing to drink in the music. “He is very famous in my country,” she told me, and when the ballad concluded, she reminisced about her past, revealing more about her youth than she had in our previous three months of psychotherapy.
- Once I worked briefly with a man who was new to the nursing home and appeared lost. Trying to anchor him, I asked if he had any hobbies. “Irish dancing,” he told me. I searched for Irish dance music in YouTube and found a video of some Riverdance-type performers. His eyes brightened and, from his wheelchair, his feet jumped and pranced with remarkable skill. From the knees down, he was a Riverdancer; from his neck up, he was a happy man. After this intervention, I spoke to his children and asked them to bring him a CD player and some Irish music, and also shared the information with his recreation therapist so she could play his music on the unit.
Posted by Dr. El - April 5, 2010 - Customer service, Tips for gifts, visits, Volunteering
Most of the excellent nursing home volunteers I’ve encountered over the years have been involved with the recreation department, hosting or bringing residents to activities. Here are some other positions of great value to the residents, some of which I’ve witnessed and others I’d like to see. Please add your additions to the Comments section.
Nursing home residents really need someone to:
- Mend torn items and replace missing buttons
- Take them outside for some fresh air and sunshine
- Run errands (or maintain the Independence Cart)
- Organize their belongings and make their rooms homey (it’s hard to reach stuff from a wheelchair)
- Replace broken watch bands. worn-out watch batteries, and missing eyeglass screws
- Cut and style their hair (many residents have no funds to pay for the fee-based hairdresser)
- Facilitate visits between friends on different floors (when mobility is an issue, they might as well be in different countries)
- Help them write letters to friends and family
- Provide computer education and support (hopefully, all nursing homes will soon have computers for the residents)
